Roo's Official Blog

The end of another era...

2011-09-05T02:01:00.001+01:00

It's over.

Buggermesoftly, or 'BMS', had a brilliant run - Didn't it? Now though, it's come to a natural end. You've learned a lot about Roo over the years and Roo's learned a lot about you back. You've been reading since the demise of 'helloandwelcome.wordress.com', the end of the 'Youtube-era' and the beginnings of a new chapter for HCTV. That chapter too, has come to an end so keep an eye on hellocaketv.com for the latest and greatest in a whole heap of changes.

But - Tumblr. Yep, Tumblr. Blogger did good and it's trying to keep up with the times (Although this 'new look' of theirs is fucking awful) however Roo's discovered, through The Dick Farm, that Tumblr's quite simply the place to be - It just works with a 'punchy' style of posting. So, with TDF bowing out alongside BMS, please welcome: 'Bit of a dick'. Roo's official Tumblr. Currently 90% penis & cum shots since TDF moved out, but prepare to witness a more diverse range of posts & pictures.

It's an exciting time. Thank you for coming along for the ride.

In memory of our time on Blogger, and indeed Wordpress, let's take a look back at every banner ever used, up until I wore out my favourite shoes...

"At least it's not raining..."

2011-07-03T22:23:00.001+01:00

Tongues!

2011-06-18T23:41:00.004+01:00

@_MrRoo_ & @AntRW

In pursuit of happiness...

2011-06-01T17:14:00.000+01:00

Mine was The Divine Comedy: In Pursuit of Happiness. I really would quite like that to be played at my fneral actually. I think it's kind of fitting.

Quiet round these parts

2011-05-10T19:25:00.004+01:00

... I can think of worse parts for it to be quiet around! HA!

Anyway, yes - In case you haven't notice it's been pretty much dead here for a little while. THAT's because HCTV has needed a whole wadge of TLC. Which it now has. It is returning FRIDAY 13th (so, very soon!) - Keep them eyes peeled.

Especially for you, brilliant blog readers, here's a sneaky peek at what kind of fun and games you can expect over at the brand new HCTV!

Looks like fun, right! Get your ass down there, Friday 13th!

HELLOCAKETV.COM

Sexiest Issue ever.

2011-04-06T01:50:00.002+01:00

Keep calm!

2011-03-30T11:54:00.000+01:00

HCTV isn't dead & buried

2011-03-06T22:48:00.001Z

That's right! ISN'T! It's been very much on my mind and I've recently been able to do something about it.

The plan was to reinvent the site, and that has/is happening, just not the way I had intended. I actually prefer the way it's going instead. HCTV will be pure and simple, it'll be stripped bare - The focus will be back with the videos.

The old site was busy and a lot of fun to look at but for many it came across as confusing. The navigation was utter naffness and if people can't find the videos, what's the point in HCTV?

The internet.

2011-03-03T16:40:00.002Z

I don't want to be fat!

2011-02-21T19:58:00.002Z

She is only 17 years old and 40 stone already. Impossible, really, isn't it? The thought of becoming so fat so young! Well, here's what she has to say:

"Breakfast is usually a bowl or two of cornflakes with two slices of toast and two glasses of Coke. We have fish and chips for lunch quite often and usually I eat two portions. Otherwise, it's sandwiches with six slices of bread and crisps. I find snacks harder to resist as the day goes on and I often eat two Snickers bars at a time. At night I eat a main meal, then more biscuits, crisps and chocolates as I get bored."

What scares me to death is that she sounds a little like me. I mean - One bowl of cornflakes is never enough... ONE sandwhich is NEVER enough! I'm ALWAYS still hungry after just one. I'll simply chomp on whatever's laying about really. Terrifying.

I'm gonna go and work out for a bit. O_O Bye.

Prepare yourselves for Valentine's day...

2011-02-11T19:58:00.000Z

... With @miserybear!!

This is how robberies should be!

2011-02-10T17:41:00.004Z

Here's a video of an incredibly polite man robbing a Shell petrol station in Seattle. He may as well have been wearing a tux! But, is it just me, or does he sound an awful lot like John Locke from Lost? Listen...

Here's the full story.

Royal Mail are TURD.

2011-02-09T16:16:00.000Z

The almighty SFX weekender 2011

2011-02-07T23:21:00.018Z

At Pontiiins! ... But, it wasn't all bad.

Geeks are pretty amazing aren't they. They stand up for what they believe in, defend their favourite TV shows 'til the cows come home and are, generally, an enjoyable bunch to be around. Has to be said, I left the weekend feeling muuuch geekier than usual. 'Twas a hilariously random time, but also a lot of fun!

Basically a shit load of geeks, sci-fi fans and nerds, etc, all turn up at Pontins, usually dressed as their favourite movie characters, and dance, drink and then dance some more! But that's by night. During the day there's a lorry load of signing being done (Robot Wars presenter Craig Charles was there! ... Oh. Yeah, and he did Red Dwarf or something?) and lots to look at... And then BUY!

I spent the SFX Weekender with @AntRW (who won the tickets through the wonderful people @cineworld), @chrischarlton80 and @xXxAstrisxXx in chalet number (Xbox)360. We bumped into 'Mental Dave' who can do a scarily amazing heap of magic tricks, Lee the hardest working bloke in all of Pontins (who we suspect may have been cloned at some stage over the weekend due to his appearances serving at just about every fast food outlet on the premises), a wolf-man, Chiana off Farscape (new UK boxset available on Amazon) some storm troopers and a set of terrifying giant rubber-faced clowns, amongst plenty of other, erm, terrifying characters.

I left the SFX Weekender having discovered how brilliantly funny and visually gobsmacking the thoroughly enjoyable 'Scott Pilgrim Vs The World' is, as well as how plain SHITE 'A Nightmare On Elm Street' is - God knows why this is referred to as one of the 'classics'. Jigsaw all the freakin' way.

It's nice to see so many geeks all in one place, doing what they do and putting up with Pontins' unimaginable lack of towels, all for the sake of joining together to mainly try and pull whilst dressed as Boba Fett, but also to just let their hair down, be who they truly are, making friends with other mentally deranged people who somehow enjoy Doctor sodding Who.

My advice to you sci-fi fans and SFX readers in the UK is... Go along next year! If you're a geek you'll love it - Guaranteed. Sure, it's not as big as the US conventions and it rarely runs as smoothly as planned, but at least this is practically on a Londoner's doorstep (although next year's event will be taking place in North Wales, apparently) and it switches your weekend up a bit! (Let's hope there isn't a Pontins in North Wales).

I, however, don't think I'll be attending another one of these, not for a while anyway (unless @AntRW wins more tickets!) but it did encourage me to let the little bit of geek inside me... Yes, little... To let it out more often. I want to buy SFX magazine (every month Matt Smith isn't occupying the front cover) and I want to watch the Alien movies for the first time. I feel like rewatching Star Wars (Jesus only knows why) and Lord of the Rings. I am currently rewatching my all-time favourite TV show ever, in the world, ever - Farscape. And that's amazing, especially alongside somebody who's unfamiliar with all the twists and turns. There's countless worlds in fiction to be discovered, and the SFX weekender has encouraged me to go get 'em! It's also encouraged me to never return to Pontins.

Koala64

2011-02-04T15:16:00.000Z

Neil in a nutshell

2011-01-31T00:08:00.000Z

For those of you who missed all the posts showing Neil's slow & painful death, here's the story of his life in pictures. On the day of his creation he was a happy soul but as you'll see, shortly after that day had passed he began to lose his... Pizaz?

Blogging

2011-01-30T19:26:00.052Z

Ok. So I've been fannying around on Photoshop lately, changing the look of TDF, thinking about how HCTV will look once I've got up off my fat ass and re-booted it, and now I'm looking at BMS, thinking... Hmmm, the shoes are lovely so I think I'll keep them for the moment, but other than that it's all a bit, well... It needs something else, me thinks!

TDF is a laugh, yes, but it looks darker because it's naughtier, it covers dirtier & generally more sin-filled topics (LIKE COCK!!!) but BMS in my opinion is a brighter looking place because it's quirkier and simply more 'in your face', with a 'let's not take this shizzle all too seriously, shall we not?'-kind of a vibe to it.

Usually the very moment I decide on a banner for a site or blog, or a colour scheme, I immediately change my mind and fart about trying to change it to something else that looks slightly niftier for the majority of a sleepless night, until - No. I have to come to terms with the fact I'm gonna have to fuck it, go to bed and leave it as it is until I actually have a decent idea to put into action, instead of just scribbling with the paint brush tool and hoping something magical might randomly occur. The main irritation is that when I do eventually buck up the courage to sit down, have another go and eventually finish a logo/layout/design/whatever it's always super-simplistic. Super basic. I like that look. But still, I wish I could get there a tad sooner!!

Hopefully, from now on I'll try and be more focussed on the content as opposed to how it all looks but I'm just letting you know, basically, I'm prone to having a change-around, here and there. If you see anything on the blog randomly too big, oR sPaZzInG oUt oF cOnTrOl, too small, or if indeed the entire thing has completely vanished... Do not fear! It's just me bashing my face against the keyboard in a photoshop/blogger-related rage!

Having gabbed on like this, I'm not in any way trying to make out that I think the blog looks like turd, by the way! I think it looks good, it looks cool. It's like a blank canvas. Like I say, I like the basic white look. But sometimes I fiddle with the appearance and never go through with it. There will come a time however, when the shoes will have to go and a new banner will need to be introduced. That, ladies and gentlemen, shall take me the best part of a fortnight. *sigh*

NGP (PSP2) Vs 3DS & other Pads/Pods/etc

2011-01-28T21:35:00.018Z

What, in the name of Jesus, was all that shit about?

Oh - Yes! Of course, the NGP, which of course stands for 'New Generation Portable'. Yeah, the PSP2... Which of course stands for Playstation Portable. Two.

'Cos we all need one of them don't we! In amongst our stacks of iPods, iPads, iPhones, Blackberrys, Blackberry Playbooks, netbooks, laptops, mobile phones, kindles, Xbox's, PS3's, Wii's... I mean, where exactly do these things fit in any more? Look at it. It's no longer just a games console, handheld or otherwise, and quite frankly I wish it'd stop pretending to be! It's everything all the other shit I listed already does. Ok, so maybe its 'fortei' is games 'on the move', but they still expect you to shove all your music and videos on it, they expect you to be browsing the web on it, taking pictures on it - We can do all that bollocks on stuff that already exists, or that's coming out - Things we already decided we want - And now this!

Point is, where will it end? Home consoles are slowly morphing more and more into computers but when it comes to handheld technology, how many devices do we really need crammed into our pockets all apparently with the task of making our lives easier, and how long until games consoles have phones thrown in them? The DS has a camera - We all thought that would never happen. Your phone has snake. Fuck it, your phone has Metal Gear ARSING Solid now, why the fuck do you need an NGP? We're already living in the future, wake up!

Of course, the PSP2 is going to be up against the new Nintendo 3DS. Which stands for 3 Dual Screens, I believe? This is a clever little beast as it's 3D (Yes, 3D! Because bus journeys have gotten even more boring lately) but wait for it... You don't need to wear a pair of oversized specs to enjoy the many dimensions on offer! Clever indeed. So, at least ol' Nintendo are doing something new, something different! But then again, I ask you, how long before we've got unnecessary 3D technology in our phones, our iPhones, our refrigerators?! Come to think of it, how long will it be until the PSP3, or the Nintendo 4DS are rubbed in our faces, begging for cash? It only feels like yesterday I sold my PSP. Because it was shit. And got about a tenna for it. Because IT'S SHIT.

I don't know about you, but I've realised something. I've learned something about technology. How long ago was it that everybody wet themselves over the iPad? Really not very long ago. How much did they spend on getting it ASAP? Quite a lot, actually. And how long until the new iPad is released meaning the original and now old piece of tat you all mushed your fat fingers against in glee, whilst Steve Jobs smeared your dosh in and around his bum crack, will become worthless? ... Exactly.

Be at least one piece of technology behind everybody else. When the PSP2 comes out, go grab a PSP. They'll be about as cheap as they're worth and for a while you can pretend it's the greatest thing on earth. Same with the 3DS. And, much like I was saying earlier, soon you'll only need to choose the brand of your games console/phone/netbook/kindle/pad/pod/etc, because they'll all be the sodding same thing! So go as slow as possible. Buy a VHS player all over again, enjoy it while it lasts!

MISSING PANTS FOUND!

2011-01-26T19:18:00.006Z

It's always the way, isn't it! You go months missing your favourite pair of pants until it becomes unbearable - They're not in the washing, they aren't in your draws, or on the floor, you aren't wearing them and you can't remember the last time you did. So, without any further hesitation, you make a rather amusing little poster to pop onto your blog and BAM! There they are. Suddenly, out of nowhere, they are there. Staring me in the face. Well, staring me in the face from under my bed.

As you can see from the details on the poster I have to talk about how amazing whoever found my pants is. And, well - That'd be me. Which to be honest shouldn't be that difficult considering I found my own favourite pants, so at the moment I'm feeling pretty good about myself. But I won't bore you with all that - I'll simply stand in front of the mirror, in my new-found pants, telling myself that I'm just brilliant. Picture?

Andrew Garfield's Spider-Man

2011-01-13T22:25:00.000Z

He's looking yummy! I'm just wondering if there'll be as much emphasis on the general cock and ball-bag area as there was with the previous Spidey-suits...

A look at new year's resolution #4

2011-01-13T19:18:00.009Z

'Eat well' is proving more difficult than I innitially thought! The problem is that me and @AntRW decided to go totally and utterly without unhealthy snackage (including any sweets and/or chocolates) - Zilch. Nothing. If we wanted to snack, we could grab some raisins or an apple, a banana, some nuts - Something healthy. On top of that, we swore only to eat at McDonalds (or BK, KFC, etc) a mere FIVE times throughout the entire year. It's been a perfect example of wanting what you can't have.

If we'd simply said, "right, let's just try and squeeze more healthy shizzle into our diet!" I reckon it'd be easier in the long run. We wouldn't be telling ourselves we can't and may never be able to eat chocolate, sweets or a big fat slimey burger, so big fat slimey burgers and chocolate or sweets wouldn't be on our minds nearly half as much! Having said that, we did fantastically for nearly 2 weeks. Yes, two weeks is a long time without cake! After a while you simply realise you've been constantly thinking about cake and other shitty foods for two weeks and you haven't had a single chocolatey crumb. And then - You pig out. This is what me and @AntRW ended up purchasing at Tesco's just yesterday:

'Eat well' doesn't mean 'don't eat any junk food at all'. I understand that McDonalds must be awful for you - It must be nearly fucking lethal to tell the truth! Which is why I think the whole eating only 5 of their 'meals' in a year is a good idea. I haven't a clue how successful I will be at doing that though. I've already had one... So we're down to FOUR already. Also, when it comes to sweets, I quite enjoy replacing them as often as possible with raisins, dried fruit or maybe even frozen raspberries because I think I've learned they're actually nicer and better for you - You feel healthier for giving it shot too. And besides, we eat shitty little sugar coated sweets that are flavoured to taste like fruits... So, am I alone in wondering why we don't just eat the damn fruits they're trying to impersonate? Money, yes. Money is a major factor. But then again if it's just a snack, it's meant to be a treat so if you can't afford fruit, don't grab sweets either. Wait until next time!

Now, if we're scrapping the whole 'don't eat bad snacks or go to hell!' idea for a 'keep bad snacks to a minimum'-type plan, the next thing to think about is keeping fit, which was new year's rez number 6. This becomes even more important. Eat as well as possible as often as possible and exercise as often as possible too. Even if it's just sit ups, press ups, a quick jog, whatever - Do it. All you've got to do to motivate yourself is look at a repulsive picture of some hideous fat bloke, and then compare it to a picture of some hot looking healthy-eating dude who obviously frequently visits his local gym. If anything, you don't wanna turn out looking like the first chap, so get your joggers on and get fit!

I'll be sure to let you know if I come across any more difficulties with any of my other new year's resolutions! (Wish me FUCKING luck!!)

Everything 2010

2011-01-01T10:57:00.000Z

Here's a nifty picture I put together showing bits and pieces that'll always remind me of the quite fabulous year that was 2010. See what you can spot! Who knows, maybe you're in there somewhere! Click it to make it big...

10 things to do in 2011

2010-12-30T20:27:00.017Z

Last year I did exactly the same thing and not so long ago I spoke about what I'd managed to do in 2010, and what I hadn't.

It's time, ladies and gentlemen, for a brand new heap of new year's resolutions! I'm gonna bring across those which I failed miserably at in 2010 and try to nail them this year and as for the rest, well - They're new! All here for you to have a good hard look at because if I know you know what I know I know I should be doing, I'll know that I can't pretend I don't. Know, that is... And so it begins!

1. Write more. (Well, just write for god's sake!)

It's true, I love writing. When I manage to properly get stuck in the time flies and my fingers bleed. Let them bleed! Find the time! I can't go by another year without getting all of the ideas I have in my mind, from my mind and into print. They're just too amazing. And, I've got to free up some space for remembering to grab milk and stuff. Start scripts, finish them, improve them and then write some more. Do it.

2. HCTV it up!

Just like number 1, I didn't manage to pull this off in 2010. There are many reasons. Again, time is a major factor. Effort also plays a big part. There truly is nothing like standing back and watching a funny little video that went from script to screen, all because of you and your hard work. But, sitting there with a blank piece of paper and a camera, knowing you've got to run about, get people involved and be funny, then edit all that craziness together is a little daunting. Especially when you haven't done it for a while and especially when you're doing it after work when most people put their feet up and watch some Corrie. Nonetheless! New HCTV will be a lot of fun, I'm thinking.

3. Audition for TV shizzle

The 3rd and final resolution to be brought over from 2010. This is a weird one. I don't really know why I came up with it, let along dragged it into 2011 as well. I'm thinking any old TV show really - Let's just see where I can get my face! And of course there's always the usuals - Things like Britain's Got Talent, Big Brother (or whatever the alternative is now that it's dead!), or maybe even singing really badly on purpose for X Factor. Roo could end up doing a Wagner. Nasty image in your heads now? Yeah, mine too.

4. Eat well (Fancy a snack? Eat a fucking apple.)

A new resolution, how fun! No snacking on sweets. Grab a banana or a bag of frozen raspberries instead. I'm not gonna allow myself to eat at McDonalds or other fast foot outlets more than FIVE times in 2011... And I'm gonna blog each of those five times. This is simply to encourage me to save a Maccy D for when it matters, when having one is exciting. Not only that, but to also realise that they are in fact turd and I don't need them in my life. The whole fast food thing excludes milkshakes - They're fine. They are actually nice too. It's nothing to do with me worrying about being fat or anything like that because I know I'm not. I just want to eat well, healthily etc. Which is also why I must promise myself I'll try and get better at cooking proper food, meat and things. Go on Roo, give it a shot!... And maybe you can have a cupcake on your birthday.

5. Call Grandma (on the telephone.)

This is important because she's important. My Grandma is a very funny lady and she's jolly pleasant company. I want to go and visit her as soon as possible but aside from that, I've got to make sure I write to her and yes, call her too. I've got 600 free minutes for goodness sake! Use them! She deserves them.

6. Keep fit (as opposed to fat!)

Eat healthily was in at number 4 and now we've got 'keep fit' - Yay! And why not? How about I try some running in the morning? Ok, evening then. Who cares when I do it, so long as I do it! Who needs a gym membership as well?! Use that funny contraption that can hang off your door. Use those weights. Use anything! Just eat well, keep fit and stay in shape. Easy?

7. Read (You know, books!)

Interesting that this never made the 2010 lineup. I never read. Well, sometimes I try a couple of pages and then give up. I can't remember the last book i actually finished. That is terrible, in my opinion. I need to see a book through to the end. Hell, I can read scripts too if I like. Just so long as it's right through to the end. I'm not gonna try and read shit that doesn't interest me, because I want to make sure I enjoy reading whatever it is, you see. Pick up a book, whatever kind of book you like, and read. That's right, straight through to the end. Then put it down and grab another one. More, more, more! Get addicted to books. A writer needs to read!

8. Try stand up again. And again.

And again! Yes, some of you may remember a depressing video I did long ago for my channel on Youtube (that'd be before they angrily tore it down) - It was basically me moaning about how my stand up 'act' at some weird little comedy club was a shambles. It was. It really was. In a very funny 'Roo' sort of way, of course. But it was just one club filled with a bunch of people who can't possibly be at every comedy club every night. So, come on! I'm gonna have another stab at it at some stage this year. And if I fail again, oh well! Plenty of successful comedians have gone through much the same!

9. Stay in touch

I may well be a Londoner now but there's still a whole bunch of pretty amazing people I never want to forget! So, to make sure that never ever happens I've got to stay in touch. That doesn't mean just shove a text in their direction once in a while - I mean I've got to get my ass back down to the land of M'stone and say hi and do some shit! I've got to drag them by the bollocks up to London, I've got to make sure we go out and have some fun together once in a while. It's not that tricky, really. Two way street though I 'spose!

10. Make the most of it!

I suppose this is a pretty general sounding resolution but I'm gonna allow it to mean many things. Make the most of what you have. Whether it be stuff you've bought or simply the people around you. Embrace it all and don't forget how lucky you are. When it comes to spending money however, make sure that if you do splash some dosh, use whatever you've spent it on! Don't just let whatever it is sit there. It always makes me happy owning a DVD, even if I never watch it... STOP THAT! That's dumb and it's pointless! Sell it. (That was last year's resolution!) Just make sure you make the most of everything - What you own, where you live, who you know, you're age, the colour of your eyes, whatever it is - Embrace it, enjoy it. 2011 baby, yeah!

So, that's the lot of them! Here's a quick run down, from 1-10:

1. Write more

2. HCTV it up!

3. Audition for TV shizzle

4. Eat well

5. Call Grandma

6. Keep fit

7. Read

8. Try stand up again

9. Stay in touch

10. Make the most of it!

Check back here same time next year! Who knows, I might have managed them all!

Oh dear, Neil...

2010-12-28T22:27:00.001Z

It's Neil the snowman. And not on a good day!

Funny Inception Memes

2010-12-23T21:17:00.000Z

Neil's not well!

2010-12-19T22:54:00.000Z

It seems as though his lips (Tesco's own strawberry lances) and his eyes (some clothes pegs) have been ripped out by a fox spotted near Neil yesterday! Surprisingly his nose (a tomato) remains intact.

-NEKKID- on TDF

2010-12-18T23:13:00.003Z

Ever sit there and think, "whatever happened to dear ol' Roo's naughty little porn-filled website called 'thedickfarm'?"... Well! That got shut down because it wasn't doing much and I was making sod all dosh from it. It's now a pretty nifty blog, filled with dick. Obviously.

Its most recent post gives you a special glimpse at a brand new video coming very soon to -NEKKID- on Xtube. Don't know what -NEKKID- is? Well, that is where a lot of the videos that were on TDF (when it was a website) have ended up. It's also where all the new sexy videos I knock up get put. Understand? If not simply click here to see TDF and here to see -NEKKID-. Clear? Hm...

Anyway, here's an example of the sort of pictures you'll find over at TDF, snapped straight from the festive special coming soon to -NEKKID-:

If ever you get lost somewhere between BMS, HCTV, TDF and -NEKKID-, you should be able to find all the links and shizzle you need on the right, here at BMS, to get around fine and dandy!

Neil the snowman!

2010-12-18T19:24:00.004Z

Meet Neil. Me and @AntRW built the little guy today. What a cutie!

Our aim was to create a huge snowman, maybe some sort of snowman king. Yeah. But, as you can see, we ended up with some sort of small snow-tard with a tomato for a nose.

Having said Neil looks like more of a snow-tard than a snowman, it all depends on which perspective you look at the chap from. If you look down on Neil he looks like he needs some help, but if you look up at him, he looks like the wisest old man snowman you could ever meet. He's survived the longest and could tell you tales dating right back to when records began...

Matt who?

2010-12-17T22:43:00.000Z

I wonder if Matt's career will last and if it does, good! I'm not hating on him, I just hate on the X Factory, you know this. But honestly, all the show ever churns out is the same thing as last time. Both female singers who've won are quite similar but all the males even more so! They all seem to be sometimes slightly beardy, but generally just incredibly 'vanilla', very safe, boring, with very little about them is original, exciting or inspirational... They're just all the same. Why not let Chico, Jedward or even Wagner nab the top spot? Because, oh no! - It might actually be worth watching. And cheer up Christmas? God no!

Where's Steve now? Cafe Nero or something. Shayne? Well, he 'came back' recently but has already been dropped by his record label again apparently! And what about Leon? I mean, where the FUCK is Leon? Then you've got ol' Joe who sang his tits off for Narnia - Wonder if he's got anything else left to do with his X Factor? And, what of Matt? Only time will tell... About six months maybe?

Another movie mash-up!

2010-12-17T19:18:00.004Z

I thought the last one was good, but this got me all tensed up towards the end. Isn't it amazing this many stories were told in just one year? A fab selection of clips:

It had to be posted

2010-12-16T20:06:00.000Z

270 of 2010's movies

2010-12-16T01:01:00.001Z

Simply incredible. Sit back for about 6 minutes and remember what made 2010 such a good year for film.

It's nearly 2011...

2010-12-11T19:43:00.003Z

So, here we are speeding along head-first into Christmas and presents and Jesus, dinner, crackers, Eastenders and Santa, but we usually (or at least I do) tend to forget that not only is it Christmas round the corner - Just a few days later we're welcoming a brand new year into our lives!

Crazy. An entire year has never gone so quick for me. Well, we've waddled right the way through a stonking great decade and barely had time to absorb five minutes. As is the same with every new year, the majority chooses not to look back and remember all that's happened to us in the past (for fear of dampening your new Christmas sweater with your tears) but instead chooses to look to the future. How can we improve our lives in the new year? What are we going to stop or start doing from now on? Some people take 'new year's resolutions' very seriously, whereas others couldn't give a toss after January 1st.

It was 31st December last year that I shoved a big blog up on here announcing no less than 10 things (yes, 10!) that I want to change about my life in 2010. See what I did there. Anyway - How well did I do? How many resolutions did I actually fulfill? It's time to find out!

1. HCTV it up!!

I'm sorry to say that I think we're off to a naff start, because I did a lot to HCTV towards the beginning/middle of the year and truly began to make the website an exciting place to visit, however towards the end it simply wasn't a priority and I unfortunately had very little time on my hands to put any real effort into it. It's a shame and something I intend to change. I've already had a long think about it - As you can see if you visit HCTV at the moment, the first page is shouting about a 'new HCTV coming soon', so keep your eyes peeled for that!

0 WINS / 1 FAILS

2. Move to London

Success!! I finally managed to move to London! Something I've wanted to do since birth, I believe! As soon as I stuck it on the list last year and blabbed away to everybody about how I was gonna make sure it happened THIS year, finally, I knew I'd actually manage it. I knew my time was up in little ol' Maidstone - I was heading for the big city and the only question was how. And when. And where's the money gonna come from. Nonetheless, I managed to grab myself a nifty job with picturethis-studios and I bagged myself a room too! How I went about doing that is hopefully something I'll get round to covering on HCTV...

1 WINS / 1 FAILS

3. Write more

Again, fail. I have my moments. I have some days (evenings, mostly) when I sit down and bash out a whole heap of lovely scriptlyness, but these days don't show up often enough. I think to myself that I don't have the time to sit down and really get stuck in. It's because I know I'll enjoy it, and I'll be sat there doing it for hours into the night. It's all about managing my time correctly. Or incorrectly, as it's been this year. This is something I can improve on, and I intend to.

1 WINS / 2 FAILS

4. Get a job that isn't completely naff

Well I only went and did this one didn't I! Yeah, I mentioned picturethis-studios earlier - I'm now officially working IN porn, as opposed to ON porn. It's all very exciting. I mean, doing the whole 'pornstar' thing is something I always wanted/needed to get out of my system, but my interest in the industry doesn't stop there. I love all the backstage shizzle intensely. The site's growing FAST and remember - It's not just porn, it's M&S porn. Go see all the top quality cockage NOW!
2 WINS / 2 FAILS

5. Audition for stuff like Big Brother

FAIL. It upset me that Big Brother ended this year but I suppose it had pretty much died already. Britain's Got Talent auditions are going on around about now, so I've missed that. I was thinking about just auditioning for X Factor but simply being awful on purpose. They'll stick me through to the judges and hopefully I could become the next Jedward or Wagner. Think of the headlines!
2 WINS / 3 FAILS

6. Get a bit buff

YES! And then no again. I was working on it a lot while stuck in Kent (it's probably the only thing to do!) but since moving to London, with the whole 'I must move to London' weight lifted off my shoulders, I seem to be enjoying it/celebrating by just eating, and then eating some more. I keep thinking, "I'll work out tomorrow!" and rarely get around to doing it! I want a gym membership again. David Lloyd was amazing. I adored it. Not being able to wash your armpits in the shower because your arms ached so much. Brilliant.
2 (and a half) WINS / 3 FAILS

7. Go to bed

Yep! And although my sleeping pattern still tries to ruin my life from time to time, I think I'm a lot better at being in control of it now. I sleep through alarms/fires/weeks far less now than I used to. This could largely be due to the fact I saw a 'sleep counsellor' for a couple of months, which was helpful - OR, it could be because I'm finally in London and I sort of feel as though I have something important to wake up to. Who knows?
3 (and a half) WINS / 3 FAILS

8. See family more

On and off. More than I would have done if I hadn't written it on the list. Obviously it's more difficult now that I'm living in London but I will be spending Christmas day with the parents this year. It's all come on a long way since the whole 'gay' thing and being kicked out and shizzle. I suppose life goes on and what's the point in being miserable with people forever?
4 WINS / 3 FAILS

9. If I'm not using it... Sell it!

Absolutely, 100% completed. What with the move to London in full swing towards the middle of the year, I sold an awful lot to help pay for that adventure and a half. Then, after moving here I decided it was ridiculous of me to lug around so much shit I don't need! You only realise this when you're unpacking, because when you're packing everything seems so much more important! I've literally sold over half of my mahoosive DVD collection, amongst all sorts of other random bits and pieces. It feels good. I sold so many DVDs I could afford a new iPod and a new camera!
5 WINS / 3 FAILS

10. Don't let people take advantage

Yeah, well - A difficult one, this. I did try and fail a couple of times. Then as the year progressed I got better and better at avoiding having my emotions toyed with and letting people know that I'm not happy with the way they are, but then something strange took place. I found myself in a position where the tables seem to have turned. I became the one taking advantage. Sort of. I didn't realise it. I became so guarded and so determined not to be messed with any more that I didn't allow anybody in. As a result I hurt somebody big time, which really made me have a sit down and a long, hard think about things. It's all about finding the middle ground. Letting people know your emotions aren't disposable, yet allowing yourself to trust those who care. Not an easy one. However, I seem to be letting somebody 'in' and he's pretty amazing, has to be said. He's very much what I look for and, up until recently, what I've always doubted can be found.
5 (and a half) WINS / 3 FAILS

And that's that! I make it '5 and a half out of 10', which isn't bad I suppose. I tell you what though - I'll be doing another '10 things' post for 2011 and everything I didn't manage this year will indeed be carried over. I wonder what the hell I'll have done by 2012?!

Who is she?!

2010-12-11T15:12:00.000Z

Those pesky kids!

2010-12-10T00:01:00.012Z

I have been reading up on all the drama regards the student protests and their recent vandalism, attention-grabbing fires, attacks on royal cars, etc. It's certainly sparking off a giant debate, everybody seems to have very different opinions and I don't really know what to make of it all, but it does seem a tad bit strange. Why not just make your voices heard rather than smashing stuff up? It's upsetting that a whole bunch of randoms (obviously a lot of students protesting weren't doing so violently) feel they can get away with shitting on their own doorstep and, let's face it, we all know more students who piss away the majority of their dosh on cheap booze and fags than those who save it all up like good little boys and girls... Surely it's an investment too. If you're not prepared to take the risk of paying a hefty amount to study, which will hopefully lead to an amazing job with a mahoosive sallary, then shouldn't you decide not to study at all? ALSO, is it just me or when I was at college and everybody was deciding whether or not to go to uni, what a lot of people were saying was simply "yeah it's an expensive doss" or, "I'm only going for the parties/lifestyle" or even, "got fuck all else to do, so may as well!"

Anyway I was on the Sun's website reading all the latest and this is my favourite comment from below the article:

"if students are worried about the cost of tuition going up how can they afford to be rioting in london, the cost of a drink there is well expensive and if they have travelled there from the rest of the country i bet they still got a discount on their travelling. STOP BITCHING WE ARE ALL LOSING OUT NOT JUST YOU AND IF YOUR THAT WORRIED YOU COULD JOIN THE ARMED FORCES AND DO YOUR COUNTRY A REAL SERVICE INSTEAD OF TRASHING IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

- Dodgauk

And, here's another bunch of points to ponder!

"People are seeming to forget these frontline police officers today have loved ones waiting at home for them like myself, in fear of them getting hurt when all they trying to do is their job, and protecting London...An absolute disgrace the way the were targeted by students who think its their right to do whatever they please and then cry about being kettled etc...An absolute disagrace, and i hope as many of them as possible can get arrested over this,given a criminal record which will hinder there furute chances at a succesful career"

- sarza314

Students can`t sqander the money they receive because they don`t actually receive it. It goes straight to the university to pay for their tuition - that`s why it`s called `tuition fee.`The money they `squander` is their own money which pays rent, food, travel to and from uni, bills, gas, electricity, tv license, water rates, council tax, clothing, books and equipment for uni - the list is endless - just like everybody else who`s running a house ( APART FROM THE UNI STUFF THEY NEED ) . Doesn`t leave much to squander does it...?

- lollipop31

Everyone has the right to protest, buy when it turns violent the law should clamp down on these students real hard. And to think they are the future of the country when they behave like a bunch of savages

- Sydneyshaw

I'm sure if you were told to take a £6,000 pay cut you'd be protesting in the streets too. Actually, no - you would probably do what you always do and just sit and whinge on the internet instead of actually going out and showing the government that this is not OK (who are the lazy bunch of 'no-gooders' now?).

- Rhys96

And there's me thinking I found it difficult enough paying for the bus to get to college to do 'performing arts' every day without drinking and partying. I wasn't allowed any EMA, which made me furious, despite the fact I was living alone (because they base your EMA on what you're parents earn and if you don't live with them they can't-it'sbasicallyaloadofshite) and had monumental gas bills to pay, rent and so forth. Point is, if I found it tricky at college, without an alcohol problem, god knows what it's like for people at uni who love a booze up!

However, would I, and be honest now, sound like some miserable old man if I were to talk about respect and discipline? Much like a lot of people who are commenting on the Sun's article, I don't know all the facts and figures but even if you have no respect for ol' Clegg-face, have a little respect for your country and the rest of the people living in it! We're all in this together and students aren't the only people finding it tough! Don't use this whole cuts shizzle as an excuse to have a go at all that crazy shit we learned in Grand Theft Auto! Put all that broken glass back where you found it... And put those fires out! Go back to making funny signs and do some chanting. Yay! Keep it fun and steer clear of criminal records!

Now that child abuse is all sorted out...

2010-12-07T00:23:00.000Z

HEEELLO, it's me!!

2010-12-05T18:54:00.003Z

So, quite a fantastic idea took over Facebook this week - Everybody has been changing their display pictures to their favourite childhood cartoons to make people have a think about child abuse (as opposed to make people spend hours on Youtube finding old clips from Dexter's Lab!) and, it's quite interesting really. Mainly because everyone's chosen character/s are a little, sort of, like themselves in a way.

I was going to go with Earthworm Jim, if you remember him, but instead I opted for the quite hilarious 'Red Guy' from Cow & Chicken and I Am Weasel... What does that say about me?!

Google's beatbox

2010-12-02T22:59:00.004Z

Check it out right here! It's very cool.

It's been a long time, Terror Towers!!

2010-12-01T23:14:00.004Z

I have been hunting high and low for so many fookin' years for clips from this show! I had almost given up but here, finally, I am able to remember the children's TV delight that was the almighty, the incredible... TERROR motherfuckin' TOWERS!!

My search for memories, recordings, pictures from this show became so unsuccessful that I began to wonder whether or not it was even called Terror Towers! I could remember weird rooms that would move about, skulls, eyeballs and a talking spider and I longed to re-live it... Well, for the first time in a very long time I decided to hop on the interweb and give googling 'Terror Towers' one last go. And here, this is what I found!!

It's ridiculous how you think you remember so much but until you have another look at footage you haven't seen for so long, you don't realise just how much of it you do recall. The music! The music in this show was utter brilliance. I was a fairly imaginative child so I simply adored the combo of creepy music, the scary house that sort of had a face and all the whacky goings on within - It really had an atmosphere I think these new 'CITV' shows don't offer kids any more! Yes, I'm aware I sound like Victor Meldrew and that this show might only be amazing in my opinion because I grew up with it, but still... You've got to admit... It's pretty fucking cool. That spider is just fab. Dunno why for the past however many years I seem to have imagined that Craig Charles hosted it all though, but that doesn't matter! THIS was pure brilliance. *Rewatches clips* More memories soon!

Surely you can't be serious!

2010-11-29T16:18:00.006Z

RIP comic genius Leslie Nielsen

Does anybody else see what I see?

2010-11-28T21:10:00.000Z

COD isn't for girls!

2010-11-23T14:00:00.001Z

And I thought I took video games seriously as a kid! Watch as the hilarious action unfolds!!

XXX Factor

2010-11-23T10:22:00.004Z

Well, hello! Lloyd Daniels getting his bum out for Gay Times, talking about his new nudey calendar and getting his bum out, and talking about his album. And getting his bum out.

Stuff Aston, I want this now!

2010-11-20T23:03:00.002Z

I absolutely love the idea of this! It's the ultimate villain's chair! I tell you, if I ever get rich and can afford a nice big house, THIS will be in it. Check it out at Firebox.com

Stocking Filler!!

2010-11-18T19:56:00.009Z

I'm sure sexy lil piece of hot stuff, Aston Merrygold from gorgeous boyband JLS, would fit inside my christmas stocking this year? Wouldn't he? Surely? Oh.

What with all this X Factor and Take That nonsense going on there's no escaping all the 'boyband fuss' taking over the nation. I've always been a fan of JLS and think that they're probably one of the only worthwhile acts to get churned out of the X Factory. Not only that but it's not often every single member of a band is simply so fuckable. I mean, they're not just a boyband... They're an M&S boyband! That said, I'm sure a heap of people agree that the hottest in there is Mr Merrygold. Sheer sex in a bitesize package... Bet his package isn't bitesize though! *Ahem* Yes, well, here you go - Pics of Aston to oggle at, print off and laminate.

Well, this looks fun!

2010-11-17T17:44:00.002Z

Six Feet of Meat

2010-11-17T16:14:00.008Z

In pornography, as you may well know, models don't use their real names - Understandably! But, I'm sure some of you woner why. After all, they're modelling in the total and utter nude! You don't only see their ruddy face, but every nook and cranny, every todger and fanny! Every birth mark, every mole, every dimple, and now that they're modelling in almighty HD, every bloody pubic hair and follicle! So, how in the name of all that is holy can these people expect not to be recognised? Truth is that they can't expect that. A lot don't. It's just that not using their real name avoids what their mummy and daddy chose to call them as a little innocent, pure baby all those many years ago being associated with them getting their wang out on camera and then having somebody elses shoved up their poop-tube for a bit of dosh! But does it make any difference? I mean, we all know Brent Everett's 'secret real name', right?

I was in Eurocreme's 'Six Feet of Meat', and as I'm aware some of you may have already guessed, my real name was accidentally used instead of my model name, 'Sonny'. My 'porno name' has been Sonny since the beginning, on the boat with the boys at Blakemason, right through to the HardBritLads, in all their chav-tastic glory! Now, I don't mean to name names (names like that of the director, Max Barber, for instance)... (Whoops!) - But as I'm sure you can understand, when I discovered my real name had been used on the DVD, despite the fact I'm an open and honest young man, it made me want to throw Mr Barber into a volcano - He called it an 'administrational error'. Yeah, his administrational error, not mine. I obviously went about, got in contact with the Eurocreme bunch and made a big fuss. Eventually they emailed me some bollocks about the fact that they're "doing all they can". Of course, the name was changed online but the DVD had gone to print.

I simply wondered, if it wasn't me they dealing were with, what would happen? What if they'd popped someone's real name onto a DVD who wasn't as open minded as me, who wasn't honest about his existence in porno-land as I am, or how about somebody who wasn't even out of the closet yet - What if they'd done that to somebody who couldn't quite cope with the stress of it all. Take a look at the rest of my blog and you'll know that me doing porn isn't something I keep secret but believe me - It doesn't matter how honest you are about your life, there's still an element of shock when you see your birth name occupy half the screen at the end of a porn film in a gigantic bright pink font.

After countless emails back and forth trying to have Eurocreme understand that a dreadful error had been made, I had a gigantic stressful move to London to deal with amongst all sorts of other life problems, so I had to put the whole 'six feet of meat' to the back of my mind because otherwise I may very well have exploded due to the stress of it all. Time passed, I heard nothing more from Eurocreme and of course stopped doing mainstream porn. My decision to stop wasn't due to some beardy, badly-headed knob-jockey's cock up, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't something that made me enjoy the world of pornography a little less.

So it's as if Eurocreme seems to think it's absolutely fine to run the risk of turning people's lives upside down - Bringing their real name into work they don't want it anywhere near and who have a right to have it kept it that way. At the same time, we're all idiots if we think our faces aren't recognisable enough for our identity to be matched with our more questionable choices in life. The best thing is simply to be open and honest about everything that we do.

This article isn't so much about my real name being used, actually. I disagree with the idea that if you've worked in porn, you shouldn't be able to work in anything that puts you in the spotlight, like telly, film or even politics - An idea I frequently tackle. So what was it about? - It's about the fact somebody working for Eurocreme made a monumentally huge administrational error for which they have not been punished. The company knows and doesn't give a damn so the likelihood is that Max... Sorry, the employee hasn't learned their lesson and may well make the same mistake again - And, Eurocreme are apparently fine with how dangerously careless their staff can be in a professional working environment. Whereas, I think they should regret hiring people who clearly have run out of passion for what it is they do and who don't care who they upset or why they upset them.

Jiggin' it

2010-11-14T23:46:00.002Z

Sexy 'stenders!

2010-11-11T23:08:00.003Z

I was tuning into Eastenders on BBC iPlayer, playing catch up as you do when you've missed about a month's worth of it on the telly-box, and I was shocked (and pleasantly surprised) to bare witness to a whole heap of male nudity! Most of it seemed fairly pointless and was pretty much semi-nakedness for the sake of semi-nakedness but hey, who's complaining?!... (tune into Points of View?) I dunno about 'sexiest episode' but it was certainly the nakedest for a while (recently we got to gawp at a totally butt naked Ryan) and it was most refreshing that all the flesh on show was male! Usually its all rather dissapointingly lady-related.

Oh, and...

Hamlet's in heaven

2010-11-11T14:45:00.022Z

Dear ol' Hamlet, my gorgeous nut-case of a hamster who starred in HCTV's 3rd birthday special video, passed away last week. He's now joined Buzz in the animal kingdom in the sky.

He was mental from the moment I got him & sat him in his little cage of wonders... That he immediately began to try and chew to the ground - Nibbling, chewing, bashing against the bars! It was like he knew a bomb was set to detonate inside his cage and he had to chew his way out before it blew him up - It was that level of determination. So, naturally, you'd bung him in his ball to try and take his mind off the explosives hidden under his food bowl. This didn't take his mind off anything! He'd run and smash the ball into walls constantly, again and again - He was clearly having fun but, what I never realised was that he actually had quite a cunning plan... He'd bash it against the walls until the top flew off and he could scramble out, which made for a highly amusing moment when I was on my computer in my old flat, turned around and there, waddling along towards the front door was Hamlet - His plan had worked! He was a determined little bugger!

Me and him shared some funny evenings together - Him typing random Facebook statuses and running up and down my arms, starring on HCTV and, yeah, yet more nibbling. He was always on the move. He never rested. All the while he was awake, he was constantly running about, trying to escape, or just being hilariously brave by dangling upside down, throwing himself off ledges etc. It was like he was a spy hamster, 007 in rodent form and he'd been accidentally popped in a pet shop and sold to me.

Upon bravely moving to London he was rewarded with a brand new cage - It was much bigger, had two floors, a flashier wheel and no black metal bars! It was clear plastic! This didn't stop him. He nibbled, chewed, scraped and scratched the edges of the cage until nearly no plastic was left and he could nearly squeeze himself through the gap! He'd eaten so much plastic it was quite shocking, and the majority of it was overnight. He had chew toys in both cages and I tried absolutely every method I'd researched on the internet to distract him from nibbling at the cage. The only option was to confiscate his second floor so that he couldn't reach, which was unfortunate because the whole lot came to £30 and he was only getting £15 worth. That said, he'd probably eaten £10 worth anyway! Then, he found the hole his water came through and chewed away at that, eventually flooding himself and the table on which his now shoddy-looking vandalised house sat. I couldn't bare to see him in such a ridiculously empty cage so I had to get him another one. Which turned out to be his last.

He had a good run. Over a years worth of utter craziness. He and his mad personality will certainly be missed. Thank you to xXxASTRISxXx for introducing Hamlet into my life - Truly a birthday present I'll never forget!

My thoughts on Saw 3D

2010-11-02T14:18:00.002Z

I'm sure you're all gagging to hear what such a massive fan of the Saw saga, like myself, made of the final film. Well, I'd like to discuss it here with you right now but it's still a pretty big deal in cinemas and I wouldn't want to spoil the experience for anybody who's yet to see it. Just know that my opinions (and I have plenty of them!) will be shared soon enough - It may even be a topic of conversation when the new HCTV bursts onto the scene...

Set the atmosphere for Saw 3D

2010-10-27T18:32:00.000+01:00

I cannot contain my excitement for Saw 3D - I mean, I don't know how many times I've blogged about it but it's such a big deal for me!! Well, it's a massive deal for any Saw fan. We've watched all the characters from these films collide, all of their stories come together and we've got so many questions that we've waited 7 years to have answered. They will be answered in Saw 3D. It's the finale, people!! I'm going to wet my pants.

Anyway, I can't stop listening to this amazing audio version of the ending of Saw VI. It sort of brings tCharlie Clouser's almighty soundtrack music to the front but the voices and sound effects are still in there - Naturally it's pretty epic and naturally don't go listening if you haven't seen Saw, Saw II, Saw III, Saw IV, Saw V or Saw VI. You'll spoil your whole Saw or experience!!

The bastards!

2010-10-25T00:13:00.001+01:00

They make me out to be the cunt!

New TV

2010-10-21T20:46:00.012+01:00

I wanted to call this post something like 'Roo & Will going at it on the TV without protection'... But I resisted the urge. Remember to check out Bigwilly10 on good ol' evil Youtube. The hilarious telly-related video is below.

A Homer moment

2010-10-20T20:41:00.000+01:00

Photoshopping a thought...

2010-10-19T22:07:00.002+01:00

The X Factory

2010-10-18T19:39:00.012+01:00

The X Factor is gracing our television screens once again and having just recently hit the live shows the hysteria surrounding the judges, contenstants and their performances has hit an all time high. Why? Well, that's a mystery to people like me who can't see past what is now quite obviously the ancient, withered, formulaic structure of the show through which, each year, exactly the same things happen, in usually exactly the same order but (and here's the clever part) with some different faces stuck on. I'm all for some healthy competition - Take a look at Don't Stop Believing on Five, it was a brand new show that didn't know what it wanted to be or where it wanted to go, but it was fun! - The X Factor has turned into a big fake drama. It's scripted and edited to within an inch of its life, all the while violantly announcing whenever possible that it's desperate to discover somebody in the UK who's got that 'X' factor when, in actual fact, even if they enter the competition with the oh-so rare bleedin' X factor already intact, they leave the show having been cloned into a ballad-bashing bore.

These days the contestants don't even have to be able to sing properly! Not so long ago the papers were shaking their fingers angrily at Mr Cowell demanding to know why he was allowing the auditionees to get away with having been 'auto-tuned'. And then what? Nothing really. Everybody gave up wondering why such a ridiculous trick is played and simply carried on watching people make fools of themselves in a desperate bid for around 3 minutes screen time and then, innevitably, a life full of regret - Simon knows we'll 'auto-tune' in again anyway.

The judges make the show out to be the only chance anybody could ever get at becoming a superstar. That's unfair because it clearly isn't true. If you truly want, with all your heart, to make music you'll find plenty of other ways to give it a shot before giving any thought to prancing on stage in front of Louis Walsh who'll innevitably love you and insist that he's "100%" going to put you through, who'll ask Cheryl Cole what she thinks, who'll say "110%", who'll pass the baton to Danii... And so forth, until we meet Mr Cowell on the end who'll look at you with that face of utter misery and inform you that it was probably the worst audition he'd ever heard in his life. Why put yourself through such ridicule? If somebody believes enough in what it is they do, they don't need some filthy rich man who looks about as dissatisfied with life as a chap who's had to fish his lunch out of a bin bag to tell them that, yes, they are actually quite good after all.

What's also unfair is that we're led to believe, as the audience, that it is our only chance to watch somebody become an almighty superstar - Our only oppertunity to go on 'their journey' with them. This isn't true because we all seem to forget that we can catch exactly the same thing happen next year so it doesn't matter if we miss it this time round. But, also, because it isn't 'their journey' at all. Everyone on the show, whether they realise it or not, are being put through the 'X' factor machine and they're all being churned out in the shape of ex-big brother contestants. That's all they're worth these days! And, what a shame! A lot of these people are very good at what they do, but they're forced to fanny about dancing instead of singing or they're having to change their style from week to week. Nobody loves an artist who constantly sings a different genre of music - That's why there are such things as genres. We like to know what we like and who we like doing it, it's simple as that!

I, personally, haven't watched any of this year's repeat. But, I do remember last year's show and my absolute favourite act was Jedward. Yes - Because they proved how nobody wants ballad bashing bores any more! They were laughing in the face of the X factor machine! Every week that they got through proved that all the nation really wanted was a bit of fun and to majorly irritate Simon Cowell, because he'd made their weekends and their christmasses a dull as his morbid dress sense. But, of course, Simon cashed in on that idea almost immediately and now, on Britain's Got Talent especially, we're getting 'silly' acts put through to later rounds for the 'fun of it', because 'we find it entertaining'. If the 'silly' contestants aren't taking it seriously themselves then that's fair enough, but issuing poor innocent contestants with false hope and ridiculing them because they don't realise they're so awful is simply out of order.

Last year, christmas time, we all watched as winner of the X Factor, Joe Mcelderry, lost out on the number one spot to 'Killing in the Name' by Rage Against the Machine. I felt sorry for Joe Mcelderry, it has to be said, but the Facebook group that encouraged people to buy an angry sounding track, titled 'Rage Against the Machine', was a work of genius. We're well and truly tired of sitting in every saturday, and indeed now sunday, to watch the X Factor machine churn out 'artists' who have clothes thrown at them, songs thrown at them, microphones and dosh thrown at them when they should simply be told, "do what you want to do, not what you're told is best for you by these cash-hungry industry hoggers," because otherwise the fame they so desperately crave is incredibly short lived and they'll be dropped when they're not fashionable any more or if they don't sell enough. Nobody can prove their worth to the british public any more by sitting on the conveyor belt in the X Factory - Get up off you're backside and do it yourself and let us get up off ours, get some fresh air and reclaim christmas!

Mornings.

2010-10-11T18:20:00.000+01:00

HCTV on Youtube is dead

2010-09-30T21:51:00.011+01:00

And, that wasn't my decision. Google decided to remove my account (& all my videos, favourites, playlists, friends, comments, ratings, messages, etc) presumably because of a video I'd had on there since before I even started video blogging and one that they themselves had, ironically, encouraged me to make money from through the Youtube partnership, due to it's popularity. It was a trailer for some old gay porn film, with nothing shown below the chest. Until they emailed me about it a couple of days ago, I'd forgotten all about it. It'd been sitting there for over 3 years. They insisted that if I violated their terms of service again within the next 6 months, my account might be suspended. I cannot explain to you how angry I am right now.

"We are unable to provide specific details regarding your account suspension or your video's removal." - Youtube

The final chapter (unfortunately not in 3D!)

2010-09-29T19:31:00.007+01:00

Remember when I wrote that blog post called 'An Interesting Business...' regarding my (or my suspiciously identical twin brother's) decision to quit porn. I had made my decision to stop at that stage - But it's also worth remembering that I said this:

Indeed it was a shame I'd never been ploughed by a black man on camera. So, before I well and truly 100% finished up, quite literally, in the world of pornography, I thought that was something worth changing. So I did.

FarmBoy was my last DVD (more about the other one at a later date) and HardBritLads nabbed my final duo, with a black man. Known him for some time as a matter of fact, lovely bloke - Gorgeous too! Always a bonus.

The scene was difficult and despite the fact we weren't in Sweatbox's actual sauna at the time, it was on fire in the locker room and I probably nearly collapsed a couple of times. That might have also had something to do with my scene partner, however...

My goodness!

2010-09-26T21:05:00.006+01:00

I haven't been watching the X Factor this year - Something I'm quite proud of. It's the same old bollocks each and every time and more often than not churns out some ballad-singing bastard I despise. the only thing worth coming through the X Factor last year was Jedward.

Having said this, the bloke below has apparently appeared on 2010's show and - I must say - I'm very tempted to tune in simply to get an eye full of that. Needless to say - Wouldn't mind an assfull either!

No matter how unimaginably sexy this chap is, I still refuse to tune in. It's cloned crap. Simple. Maybe just for the final? It's addictive cloned crap! That's why I steer clear! The shite'll suck me in!

More Saw 3D excitement!

2010-09-18T18:15:00.007+01:00

Well - Since last posting my thoughts on Saw 3D a whole new 'theatrical' trailer has been released. Now, there's not much about it that's theatrical, has to be said, but it sure as hell looks a lot better than the shoddy trailer that was made for Saw VI. And, Saw VI turned out to be the best of the bunch! So - Hopes are high! I'm not too sure though about the whole pig-bloke leaning out of the screen and picking up an audience member because it simply isn't going to be anything like that. The best bit about the Saw films - the story - is being kept under wraps so I'm sure the finale is going to blow our minds, wet our pants and detonate our vital organs.

Proopare yourselves... Seriously.

2010-09-17T00:31:00.003+01:00

HCTV has evolved an incredible amount since birth and having just celebrated its brilliantly exciting 3rd birthday, things are as usual, set to explode into a whole new realm of awesomeness.

You should know by now I enjoy teasing you about up and coming shizzle so all I'm saying is this: HCTV is undergoing a complete reinvention.

I have also been working on little ol' TDF too - those of you brave enough to know what that is - so do not fear! TDF, like HCTV, may well see itself get a complete and utter revamp too. You'll just have to wait and see.

It's all been going on!

2010-09-11T16:34:00.016+01:00

The Queen Vic burned down! Big Brother's dead! Roo's in London! My goodness me - It's certainly been a busy couple of weeks lately and as a result, I haven't had much time to pop up on here, HCTV, or anywhere to tell you the truth! Sometimes real life takes over!

But enough about real life for now! Last week saw BBC's Eastenders legendary pub, The Queen Vic burn to dust! It was a pretty explosive episode and in my opinion, Eastenders is doing a jolly good job of becoming very epic lately, in the style that it's shot and with the storylines it churns out - This year has been one hell of a busy year for the residents of Albert Square. There's been gay muslims, priests who murder, exploding pubs, dangerously live episodes, gingers jumping from tall buildings, crack addicts, Fat-fucking-boy and his ice cream van, Ben Mitchell doing a Stella, rape - All sorts! Brit soap sure knows how to have a sodding laugh, don't it!

Of course, Peggy's exit means a whole new era for the show and that era, unfortunately or fortunately (I haven't decided yet) sees the return of Albert Square's own 'funny man', and his leapord-skin wearing wife, Kat. No Spencer though! He was always worth an oggle at! The Queen Vic is being rebuilt for HD and guess who's gonna be behind the bar? Well, yes - Kat and Alfie. Joy. As silly as it can feel sometimes, Eastenders is an essential part of day to day life for us Brits, we love sitting down and even if we've missed a couple of months, getting to find out how our beloved bunch in Walford are getting on. Of course, the truth is it's usually not very well at all!

With Eastenders ruling our lives in the evenings and claiming Sunday afternoons as its own, what do us Brits look foward to doing every Summer, during the bright, summery, wonderfully sunny days? Go outside? Have a picnic? Nope - We stay indoors and watch a bunch of randoms all get into a house and, well, argue with one another until we crown the one who argued least the winner. Or something like that. Big Brother is dead! As irritating as it got, as much as we all loved to hate it, there is no denying the fact that it was summer. IT WAS SUMMER. What will summer be like without Big Brother? Probably a lot more outdoorsy! But we're all gonna miss Davina, right? It truly was a sad night when we waved goodbye to the series and every single one of the nobodys who've walked in and out of the house. The end of an era, for sure.

But, yes - Big news! Roo's in London, once and for all! Finally, after an entire life spent battling to get here. I'm here. The big city. The big, expensive, city. It's funny, I haven't looked back at Maidstone and missed it yet. I miss the people, of course, but the place - The place can fuck off! I'm here to stay and things can only get better! To celebrate me finally leaving the almighty shit heap that is the 'stone (I think sometimes I can be a little too harsh on the ol' place) I had a party at the flat - Lots of friends, old and new came along and it truly was a fitting send off. Here are a couple of pictures from the evening, and some familiar faces:

Youtube's Bigwilly10

Lovely Luke, myself & Emily (her camera took these shots!)

xXxAstrisxXx, Bigwilly10, myself, crazy Chris & 'Shut Your Tits' Pauline!

Thank you very much to all of my wonderful chums that helped me survive my time in Maidstone, that's to people who were at the party or not - You will never ever be forgotten and make sure it's understood that it's not the end - You're coming to London and I'll revisit Maidstone from time to time too! There's plenty more Roo where that came from!

Did you even start believing?

2010-08-22T20:27:00.024+01:00

You should have done, because Don't Stop Believing is an unimaginably gay show that finished on an emotional note this evening on Five. It was an interesting ride, no other description would be appropriate I'm afraid. I mean, it's jolly good to see Five getting so utterly enthusiastic about such a bright, sparkly new idea, and, the idea was fantastic. X Factor meets Glee, the search for the UK's greatest all-singing and all-dancing group - Yes, the idea was smashing. It's just that they didn't pull it off all too well - But don't think for a minute that in this case, that's a bad thing!

The show was unfortunately really short lived - Feels like it only started a couple of weeks ago, which makes it difficult to build a loyal audience - For example how many people refuse to watch the start of X Factor, only to get sucked in at the last moments? And on top of that they kept changing the bleedin' times, which makes it even more difficult for the two or three people watching at home to keep up.

Ok, so the show didn't do too well in the ratings department but that is, in a way, to be expected. We're talking about Five here. As excited as they seemed to be about this show it would have been unrealistic of them to assume they'd be landed with millions upon millions of dedicated viewers. That said, it was their perfect opportunity to spark up a little interest and potentially guarantee the return of the amazing rainbow-coloured, floppy-handed Don't Stop Believing, watch it grow, year after year and then eventually see it topple the X Factor as dominator of bull-shit reality TV shows where somebody finds fame as quick as it takes to boil an egg and then loses it in half the time.

Nonetheless - 6 weeks long and a choppy schedule, I still thoroughly enjoyed it. That's despite the lack of a judge with any balls. Anastacia, she was fun - I understand the fact that she won't have any balls physically, but if we're talking about guts and when to say if something was naff or not, she probably had the biggest bollocks on the entire panel. Well, that Chucky bloke who's obviously hiding explosives under his hat was a pretty good judge too - These two actually said things that meant something. They gave constructive criticism and although they weren't nasty, or repeating the phrase 'I'm going to be honest with you' and constantly insisting it was the 'worst performance they'd ever seen', as a viewer you still felt as though they managed to get their point across without destroying the happy-lets-buy-bunny-rabbits-for-the-fun-of-it-feel of the show. Whereas Duncan and Mel shouldn't have even been sat there. Duncan spent each week in between shows clearly planning his next oh-so witty remark and producing little lists on a piece of scrap paper determining which is his 'favourite performance' - Problem is he'd done his list from left to right and was under the impression they were all his favourite. As for Mel - Well, she's got a stern enough face to have been the bitch of the show. She could have been utterly evil and heartless and gotten away with it, because when the evil one likes something, the compliment is even more special. She could have been the favourite judge but she threw it all away by just sort of agreeing with whatever the previous judge had said or filling an awkward silence I personally would rather have sat through.

Hosting the show was former Spice Girl Emma Bunton while, her fellow former Spice Girl, Geri Halliwell was posing as 'guest-host' on the humungous, and noticeably more successful, X Factor. Emma must have been fuming! Still, that didn't stop her dressing as though she was from space and pretending like she knew what the fuck was happening. However, the thought of Geri shacking up with Simon must have got to her from time to time because despite having an autocue rammed up her eyeballs she managed to either ramble parts of sentences she wasn't supposed to go anywhere near, or sigh uncontrollably to fill in the gaps. Did this woman rehearse? Goodness only knows - But, never mind - I read in a review of the show on the interweb somewhere else that the amateure-feel the acts themselves gave off sort of matched the amateure-feel the show itself took on. The occasional blank screen, the cock ups with mics and the wobbly cameras. Emma's monumental buggery of her lines and seemingly massive lack of genuine interest into any of the groups must have only added to the wonderfully 'bad-in-a-good-way' vibe we all love to eat up every once in a while.

Ultimately, the best bit about the entire affair was the almighty supergroup which was a splendid idea and one of the very few ideas that whoever's in charge actually managed to pull off exceedingly well! They started with five madly talented dancer-singer people and then each week added five more. I know - You're sat there thinking 'this is only going to get worse and worse each week', whereas in actual fact it got better and better! Their performances were radically different each week, somehow managed to include every single member of the group in a significant way and looked incredibly professional. I hope we hear more of them and they do ruddy well because they sodding deserve it.

Most of the 'contestants' were shoddy to say the least and a lot were shoddy on purpose, I'd say! Many of them shouldn't have been allowed anywhere near an audition let alone a live show - Which is exactly what the evil Eastender should have said to them. But in amongst the cringe-worthy 'we can't actually dance or sing' all-singing and all-dancing groups, there were groups that could all actually dance and sing! Which was a relief it has to be said! Unfortunately, from the very first week anybody watching would have gotten worried when some bloody awful kids got through rather than an epic dance group named Dice, who were talented to such ridiculous levels that it wouldn't surprise me if it was literally considered a crime they didn't win the heat. Instead of winning however they did manage to make it through to the fantastically unorganised wild-card round, where they blew everybody's socks off again with a perfect performance only for the judges to spend the next five minutes arguing amongst themselves, waving a note book around and then announcing Swish the 'wild-card' winners, which then gives them another stab at winning the entire show. And their stab should have been successful. But instead, after making it to the final two groups, Swish lost to a bunch of desperate-for-a-shag middle aged women (who have to be said were incredibly entertaining... But they weren't sodding good enough to win the crown!) - It was kind of a shambles all round to be honest. But, a live shambles that had a mince, wore bright colours, had a smile on its face and wore sequins!

Truth is, it's so difficult to find anything on telly that actually makes you smile these days. The X Factor is so over-dramatised that there's nothing real about it any more. It's constantly forcing Snow Patrol down your ear drums in an attempt to make you cry at somebody who won't even matter in the end anyway because some hideous knob like Olly Murs will somehow fake-dance his way to the final. And soaps and dramas are enough to make you reach for the razor blades these days, add on top of that the way that even comedy shows think they can only be funny now if they swear or get fat people naked. Don't Stop Believing was awful. Incredibly awful. But also awfully bloody incredible too! More please!

Get involved after 3 years of HCTV!

2010-08-18T19:17:00.010+01:00

Well! Who'd have ruddy well thunk it! HCTV has been a part of planet Earth now for pretty much 3 years (on the 26th August) - And what a 3 years it's been!

HCTV spent the majority of it's first 2 years sat quite happily in amongst the Youtubes, but - When they started removing my videos for no real good reason and turning into power-mad Google-people, I had no other choice than to move HCTV off the site and onto bigger and better adventures - If you want something done properly, etc.

Thus, hellocaketv.com was BORN! It's evolved quickly and now it looks pretty big (perhaps too big) and there's still plenty of work to be done to the site. Lots of pages need updating, lots of pages still need bloody making - But it's well on its way! Some old videos have been uploaded but it's mostly new content and, in amongst the real-life dramas that have been taking place for me this year (more on all that another time maybe) I've still tried to find the time to keep HCTV churning out new videos.

Most notably this year, 'Zap! reviews' have really taken off! People seem to love the fast-pace and double meanings that flash on and off screen with the use of seemingly random pictures, until maybe a second, or even third, viewing.

This birthday is no different to the others - HCTV promises to grow more and more. Look at it in comparison to where it all began! I kept telling you all, HCTV will grow and grow and slowly take over the interwebs. We're well on our way!

In celebration of HCTV's 3rd birthday I'm asking you all to record a quick, maybe 5-10 second long video, shouting 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY HCTV' or something similar at your camera. Then, send it to hellocaketv@yahoo.com. For this, you have until MIDNIGHT on 24th August - So hurry along and you may well see yourself in HCTV's 3rd birthday spectacular!

Then, once you've done that, take a look at last year's celebrations below!

Cover Star

2010-08-17T15:45:00.010+01:00

Remember that BOYZ magazine? The one with Roo on the front? Yeah, I do.

Realising I never bragged about it on my blog until this very moment, here's the ol' front cover for you to have a nosey at and a few pictures from inside (and a couple that didn't even make it into the mag!) - Feel lucky.

All pictures were provided by photographer-man Dean Stockings, have a nosey at some of his stuff here.

Who else thinks this chap looks just like...

2010-08-11T21:27:00.001+01:00

Jack Branning off Eastenders?

Some of the truest words ever spoken...

2010-08-10T23:48:00.002+01:00

Whatever next?

2010-08-10T00:33:00.006+01:00

It really is pretty daunting when all of a sudden you're sitting at your computer, looking over some old pictures from, well, around three years ago maybe, and it hits you - So much has bloody well changed. I'm sitting here, on my computer, in a flat. On my own. Independant. No parents, no curfew. I cook, I clean, I work, I pay the bills, the rent, the TV fucking licence. I have been living for well over 2 years now making my own decisions, moving about, from flat to flat, from house to house - And I love it.

But it's scary when you suddenly realise. And you can't really remember how you got there. You never imagined, before it happened, that you could get out into the real world. And yet, somehow, I'm surviving. Sure as hell I've made some pretty humungous-sized mistakes, and yep - I've suffered other people's bloody mistakes too. It's a dog eat dog world out there. It's an adventure. But I've also made so many new friends.

It's even more of an adventure now though! Because, as I sit here writing this I realise I've gotta pack my life up into boxes again very soon and move to the big city, to London - Finally. I'll be house-sharing, I'll be moving, working in a new job, meeting new people, having new experiences and, the most exciting part is keeping hold of what you've already got - Seeing how it evolves, how it grows. Seeing how I grow. Seeing what more I can achieve, what else I can cock up, what else I'm gonna have to learn from. And from what I've learned, what else I can achieve again. Haha - Life really is fascinating, don't you think.

Tag your chums!

2010-08-03T20:13:00.007+01:00

Using the almighty Face-wank, why not tag your chums in the Toy Story 3-related image below? Click it to make it big and then figure out who's most like each character, or indeed who looks most like each character, and then slap it all over their Facebook wall like there's no tomorrow! At the same time, you'll be advertising the quite splendid HCTV, so - we're all winners! You get to insult your friends and I get hits! Yay!

Below is Roo's Zap! review of Toy Story 3 - You can watch it here but in order to leave a comment, which you absolutely must do by the way, you'll have to click here and while you're at it, why not watch it all over again? You know you wanna!

Precisely.

2010-08-03T03:53:00.000+01:00

Chilling with Scorp

2010-07-27T00:15:00.001+01:00

Dr Gordon in Saw 3D

2010-07-26T23:07:00.002+01:00

This is going to be EPIC

2010-07-22T19:46:00.011+01:00

Saw 3D is indeed the finale. The end. The fireworks, the big huge nut-busting final curtain. The massive cinematic wave goodbye, the ultimate farewell - Everything 'Saw'-related before this, has led to everything we will see in Saw 3D. This is it ladies and gentlemen - This is what Jigsaw's been planning. His last ever-

Alright so you get the idea. It's the end and we've plenty to look foward to. Like the return of previous Jigsaw trap survivors, including THE DOCTOR... Not David Tennant, but Dr Gordon! We've got the biggest rematch since records began, Hoff Vs the Jill-meister - We will also probably find out where Jill posted that envelope in Saw VI - We've got what looks to be a trap involving cars, a trap in public and all sorts of 'eye-popping 3D' - Should be darn good! And, I have an awful lot of trust in the director Kevin Greutert after what he achieved with Saw VI, even after the controversy with Paranormal Activity 2 and David Hackl.

Go see Saw 3D on the day of release and have it smash PA2 into the ground! Saw deserves to come out on top! It's the most successful horror franchise known to man and it has one of the most nail-biting, intense and character-driven storylines of any set of films, horror or not.

I should cut down on the DVDs slightly...

2010-07-20T23:09:00.002+01:00

New home for ROONEWS!

2010-07-16T16:23:00.005+01:00

That's right! ROONEWS has a new home. Take a look to your right. There you go. Just under 'Home', which I suppose is where you must be now, is a little link entitled 'ROONEWS (Newsletter)'. Click that and have a look at every issue of ROONEWS there's been so far! Then, of course, you can save these to your computer and scatter them across the internet as you see fit. Use them on your own blogs, on forums you're a member to, Facebook, Twitter and Twit-Pic - Just about anywhere really. Let's spread the love! Here's the latest issue below:

See Saw

2010-07-16T01:57:00.006+01:00

I'm about as passionate about Saw as I am with Farscape (and believe me, that's saying something!) - I'm no fan because of the gory deaths but I love that, as with Farscape, every action has a reaction, continuity is a biggy and characters change and evolve as the story progresses. Plot twists and humungous jaw-droppingly shocking revelations occur too - The shifts in loyalty are so exciting to bare witness to! The story is so intricate and yet at the same time, so damn in your face.

It's no horror, it's a psychological thriller - It makes you think but it always catches you out. It is pure epic-ness, to put it simply! In my opinion, Saw VI was the best sequel they made, which is such an accomplishment for a franchise SIX movies old.

I'm just hoping that with Saw VII coming in October it isn't a major dissapointment, as they're attempting to cash in on the whole '3D' shizzle. Fingers crossed.

Wasps

2010-07-09T22:05:00.002+01:00

An interesting business...

2010-07-04T17:39:00.041+01:00

Porn's an interesting business isn't it. I've dabbled and I think I've dabbled more than enough. It all started back on Blakemason's magical boat of wonders when Sonny went sailing but ending up sploodging. Then after that I did some shoots you haven't seen yet and won't see for a little while longer. After that I didn't have a passport so couldn't do much at all really. And then, when I got a passport again - I did some more.

Hard Brit Lads, some Eurocreme, bit of AdamJackery - Bits and bobs really. It's not all out yet so you'll see some more Sonny pop up here and there but to tell you the truth - I'm done. And I made my decision after having finished Sonny's latest 'adventure'. I reckon its a shame I never got ploughed by some black men on camera but in the UK black men aren't all that common in porno. Come to think of it they're not all that common in US porn either. They've sort of been pushed into their own little world of especially-black gay porn (Flavaworks etc) where everything's uber-sexy and no white boys are allowed! Until...

Mr Cody Kyler turned up. Now he was white and twinky and should have been me. However, shortly after having made my decision to pack it all in (more on that later...) I read that he has done too! He's decided to quit the world of porn to follow a career in I can't quite remember what but something interesting nonetheless. He's being slagged off for thinking he can have any sort of career where his bum isn't being sold out but I think Cody Kyler has done exactly the right thing. He's been fucked by many black thuggy type people on camera and then decided to run off just when his audience were really wanting more of him. Remember Little Britain? Nothing could top it. Until, oh, series 3 and... They'd gone too far. Who's fed up with James Corden's over-exposure? I sure am. Point is, keep life fresh, keep doing new shit and never stop doing something when people are bored of you doing it - Don't take it that far. Quit while your ahead and all that shizzle.

So - My experiences in porn were always quite random. Quite hilarious. Sitcom material, you know. It isn't as luxurious as some people may think but then again it isn't horrible and grimey like some others may think. Different studios have different levels of passion. You can get some really peculiar strange old men who think its a great idea to get into porn because they can bring young twinky boys into their flat and touch them up - Oh! And yes, take pictures of them too. Then you've got the super successful brands at the top who churn out gay porn like there is no tomorrow and end up with probably, yes, the hottest material on the shelves so far, because they've been doing it for so long - They know what buttons to push. Then of course, everything in between. The noob companies starting out, battling their rival sites and the studios who don't take it too seriously so can have a laugh with it, and there are that bunch who think they're better at it than they actually are.

As a model however, you begin to realise it really is work. And that's fine there are worse jobs, but like a lot of people think, it isn't a case of getting paid to have sex. It really is work. Sometimes you're having sex with people you wouldn't normally have sex with (sometimes that you wouldn't touch with a bleedin' barge pole!), and it requires a little acting. But the scary thing is you could go on and on and on and on having sex on camera (until you're old and eveyrything begins to sag) and you can keep on getting paid hundreds of pounds but - It begins to chisel away at what sex is. Even if you don't believe sex is this scared bond between two people in a relationship, it eats away too at the naughtiness of sex. The horniness. Sex becomes, well, normal. It's like if you have jelly and ice cream every day for a month - It'd become normal and come the 30th you'd never want to see jelly and ice cream again for as long as you live. SEX everyday for a month on the other hand is fine - But, what I'm getting at is the fact that in porn, you're frequently having sex with different people in front of other people and a lot of the time, not really even enjoying it FOR sex. Makes it all begin to feel a little, well, normal.

I could go on getting paid to have my jelly and ice cream, and sure as hell, there's probably some pretty sexy tatsing jelly and ice cream left to be had, but at some point you've got to stop. I'm gonna stop now. That said, porn's not out my life forever. I'm still working within the industry and, oh yes - This isn't the end of Roo. In fact, I'd say, its probably just the beginning...

The truest words I've ever read regarding Doctor Who...

2010-06-30T20:02:00.005+01:00

"The whole universe is destroyed (again?). The Doctor is killed (again? But oh no, actually he isn't). Amy is killed (but actually she isn't). Everyone is killed and so is the TARDIS (er... nah, they're not really). That's because in 21st century Doctor Who, you can play out any situation for thrills (or ratings), and there's never any consequences, because there's always a big reboot button at the end that makes everything better."

- ka-os.blogspot.com

Why do horrible things like that happen?

2010-06-27T22:10:00.006+01:00

I'm not talking about the England game, which by the way was absolutely dreadful! I'm talking about, well - the weekend I've just had to experience.

Saturday and Sunday I've been as miserable as hell. I hate the fact, and I'm learning fast that it is a fact, that mistakes can happen in such a way that they make you look like the biggest baddest bastard on the face of the planet, and people can turn on you as a result, no matter how much you try to explain. Rightly and/or wrongly. And with some of these people, you can't improve things. They turn their backs on you and walk away, forever. This is of course worse when somebody decides to remove you from their lives because of something that could have been oh-so-easily avoided. Communication errors, reading situations wrong. One of those moments where you just think to yourself, "if I'd made the way I acted a little clearer, then they'd have understood.". But also, "if they'd explained why they were being the way THEY were, I'd have felt more able to."

Now, you're probably confused reading this and one day, I will be too. But, I've gotta write something down after all this. I've gotta get rid of it from my mind some how.

So often I try and try and try and try to fix a misunderstaning/disagreement/falling out. And a lot of the time I succeed. There's no point in arguing in circles - You gotta work your way towards an agreement, an understanding, a resolution. That's where I try to get to. But like I say, I'm learning that as much as your told by some people that you don't listen and that you have behaved wrongly and that they wish things were different - They won't listen, they will behave wrongly and they won't WORK to make things different. You can try and try all you like and I believe that the fact not everybody is like that too is no reason to stop. But - As much as I believe it, I've tried. I've failed. And from now on I don't think I will try to fix things with people who aren't willing to put the same amount of effort into a relationship.

Maybe I can say that to myself but maybe it's simply naturally me to go around trying my best to be lovely to people and explain why and how the weirdest things happen to me. My life is a sitcom. My life's recently been a bit of a drama. I've lost people I love to errors in communication. I've been called hurtful things. I've had experiences that perhaps I shouldn't have done. But hey - Life's life and life's a bitch. People though, people are valuable, friendships are valuable and like I say, work hard on trying not to upset them and if somehow you do, work hard trying to make them happy again. If they won't let you do that though - Focus the attention on somebody who appreciates it.

Roo's a HardBritLad

2010-06-07T00:54:00.005+01:00

That's correct. My ridiculously misbehaved twin brother seems to be up to his old tricks again. This 'Sonny' bloke is just gagging to get his cock out and ram some toys up his bum on camera, apparently. It'd certainly be interesting to track the little bastard down - And give him a damn good rodgering!

Ok, enough of that. Yeah - Go and check it out at HardBritLads and just in case your wondering... There's plenty more where that came from, I'll have you know!

Out with the old & in with the NEW!

2010-06-06T00:04:00.010+01:00

That's right ladies and gentlemen - It's finally time to scrap that piece-o'-shit some people refer to as Pinnacle Studios. Finally, I can avoid out of sync videos, awful 'HD' quality and videos that absolutely 100% refuse to render - Which, coinsidently, also means my walls will be punched a lot less.

Magix Movie Edit... Pro... 16... Plus... turned up the other day and I was up late at night fiddling with all of its many wonderful features. Maybe I'll write a review of the piece of software as I get to grips with it? Who knows. I tell you what I will do though - I'll enjoy editing a movie of me burning Pinnacle Studios on the damn thing!

On top of that - Roo's legendary dildo, that starred in the almighty HCTV classic 'The Dildo Situation' (as well as a certain TDF movie) has, well, suffered some damage. So, out with old and in with the new again! I decided to go out and buy me a new dildo (after having gotten to grips with the model elsewhere... More on that later!) - So, who would pay how much for Roo's genuine old dildo, complete with damage and possible traces of Roo-Juice if I stuck the thing up on eBay, maybe with a shrivelled toasted-version of Pinnacle Studios?

Fucking flowers!

2010-05-30T23:22:00.006+01:00

I thought I'd share an image that manages to cheer me up.

Jiggaz (Roo Style!)

2010-05-29T10:32:00.000+01:00

Play with Hamlet!

2010-05-05T02:42:00.000+01:00

Centre of attention!

2010-04-29T16:00:00.008+01:00

Wednesday's passed us by and I'm GaySpy's 'Fit Reader of the Week', which is jolly exciting, isn't it! The most interesting, if not entertaining aspect of all these sorts of inter-web based competitions is the opinionated feedback from readers, or indeed sometimes 'viewers'.

Anyway - Some chaps on there have been suggesting that the three pictures GaySpy chose to slap up of me are of three completely different people! Can you believe the cheek of it! I am glad however that many people appear to be taking a liking to the top blue -ish image as this was one of the first pictures I had go on in Photoshop all by myself (before constantly informing everyone who saw it thereafter of that very fact) - So proud! *wipes tear*

In light of the conspiracy I thought it'd be a treat to let the people at GaySpy know, down in the comments section, that I have a blog. This way, they can rummage through and find all sorts of different images of me and therefore come to the understanding that I am indeed all the same person (Look hard enough you might even find some taken 'at sea'). Here are a few images to get you started off!

And - While I've got you here, and because the next picture relates to it (without the explanation it would appear entirely out of context) - Take a look at my good online-chum's blog (He calls himself Stig) - But be warned! It's fully of dirty, hot, naked boys and such - The following picture was one I got my bum out and did for it.

Thank you all and if you're new to Roo, stay in touch. Follow @_MrRoo_ on Twitter as well as @hellocaketv for updates regarding the almighty HCTV.

Random hotness

2010-04-19T17:02:00.002+01:00

The new Doctor Who so far...

2010-04-17T21:34:00.013+01:00

There shouldn't be one person who's watched HCTV, read my blogs or followed my Twitter that doesn't know I hated Russell T Davies being in charge of Doctor Who. The writing was awful from 2005 until '10 - So awful in fact, it was almost impressive. How could one man create so many plot holes? How could one man render everything that happens in the most ridulously unbelievable sci-fi series ever created, even more unbelievable?

There's such potential there, with Doctor Who. I watch almost every episode because I simply cannot miss it getting progressively worse and worse over time. I just cannot understand how other people watching, people who adore the show, don't pick up on what the people behind it think of them. They think you're stupid. They think you'll fall for anything, forget what you've seen. As an audience, those who watch Doctor Who every saturday, and then go out and fork out for the individual DVDs, and then again for the the complete box sets, aren't very demanding at all. They don't want to have to think, they don't want to have to do anything other than sit on their arses and watch it from start to finish just so that they can gab on the next day about how the Doctor unexpectadly killed off every living Dalek for the 50th time this series.

The Daleks are amazing, in my opinion. They are the one thing that keeps the show going. The anticipation of their next arrival. But again, this whole 'anticipation' thing is nearly ruined because they turn up so frequently these days and every single time they do, as I've already pointed out, they mouth off about their brand new shiny undefeatable plan until... Oh, yes - They're defeated. How? Oh, I don't know, maybe flick a few buttons? Every sci-fi needs an unstoppable villain and the Daleks are exactly that for Doctor Who... Its just that, they're stoppable. Very stoppable. Every other villain on the show is utterly pointless and not very threatening at all. The Cyberman are just walking Daleks who say 'Delete' instead of 'Exterminate' - In fact, most of the Doctor Who villains have a tendancy to reveal their next move, sometimes their entire plan for world domination, before they actually have a go at doing it. This means the Doctor can run about, flapping his sonic screwdriver at anything and everything until... They're defeated. Even the Master was thrown into a huge plot-hole filled storyline that made him seem pretty lame too. And then he came back from the dead some how, with floaty Matrix-style flying abilities, and for what reason? None! He was gone as soon as David Tennant shot a box.

I'm rambling (as usual) but this post is about the brand new, blue-er, perhaps even 'edgier' Doctor Who series. Russell T Davies has ran away and left his never-ending pot of plot holes behind for Steven to contend with. He's been doing a good job, transforming everything the show ever had into his very own idea. The TARDIS has been transformed, all with explanations attached, and the new companion lady-girl is a great move because she's been written into the show in a way that gives her a connection with the Doctor that goes right the way back to her childhood. This makes her more than just a random Martha he picks up along the way. The complex storyline of the first episode, set in the simple village, was an unusually exciting way to get the series kicked off. Then came the second episode which stank of filler, but that's all Doctor Who's ever been I suppose. The whole pointlessly slow episode was basically all about getting the Doctor to realise Amy Pond means business. Wow. So we needed Britain on the back of a space-whale for that? A whale that the TARDIS didn't notice upon entry? Everything about that second episode was a little lacking, and yet people stick by it - and - this time, I don't blame them. Its a new series, a new head-writer, he's learning, getting comfy - He's not going to cock up like Davies, surely?

Well, then came the third episode. The Daleks, again. This time they pretended, for about 15 minutes, to be something some bloke invented to help win WWII. Churchill believed it. But of course, the Doctor saw through the Dalek's evil plan... Which was? What? Again? Can't remember. I think it was something along the lines of 'get the Doctor to say we are the Daleks so that he comes up to our ship, shoves a jammy dodger in our face, witnesses us produce a bunch of brand-new-moffat-made-positively-power-ranger-like-Daleks and then have to run away again to stop our inventor bloke, who's actually a robot made by us and our plunger, exploding by talking to him about his fake memories so that we can zoom off into space trekkie-style and no doubt pop back up before the end of the series... Possibly through a crack in the universe?'... Something like that anyway. The episode was so bloody restless, there was no room for character development and considering it was Matt Smith's first encounter with the Daleks, we should have got a whole lot more 'SHOCK-HORROR-THEM-AGAIN' moments, but as I say - The more and more you bring these ball-covered bastards back, the more unconvincing the Doctor's terror at their arrival on the scene becomes. He's used to it by now. We wait for buses. Mundain. The Doctor waits for Daleks. Kills the Master and some Cybermen while he's waiting but nevertheless, that's what Doctor Who boils down to - The Doctor Vs The Daleks. Which begs the question, why not have them stick around as a constant threat? Hopefully that's what Moffat plans on doing. Maybe that will help them seem powerful again.

PS (29/04/10): I was thinking about VOTD again the other day and came to the realisation that having a countdown-type bomb wired up inside that robot-bloke was a ridiculous Dalek plan! Why not just blow him up? Honestly, if they want the Doctor to take them all a little more seriously than usual, they've got to get nasty. Don't bother switching the lights off so the Nazis can come along and bomb them all instead - You're poxy Daleks, robot Nazis! Do it yourselves. In fact, next time you see the Doctor, just shoot him. Or not? How about revealing your amazing, oh-so undefeatable plan instead (that is, of course, long before you actually put it into action, giving the Doctor enough time to, in fact, defeat you all and send you back hurtling into some sort of mysterious void/gap in time and space... If you don't teleport off and escape to another shitty episode first!) - And... Relax.

These things cracked me up!

2010-04-12T00:08:00.004+01:00

Revamping the ol' HCTV

2010-03-30T14:52:00.006+01:00

As you may well have noticed, HCTV has been acting a little odd lately and that's because I've been sat on my ass for hours giving it a make-over - And there's still plenty more work to be done!

The wonderful Ross (here's his lovely blog) has spruced the site up with some 'toons (more to come) but he's also a stupendously talented photography! So, livening the site up further still will be images taken by the man himself. Here's some of his handy work:

Make sure you check out Ross' blog HERE!

The funniest thing I've read for a LONG time

2010-03-21T19:58:00.009Z

I was having a look on a website I tend to frequent if I'm bored enough called That's Phucked! which IS NOT advisable for you to visit without first understanding it lives up to its damn name. Its a blog full of a hideously gross selection of disgusting, often disturbing and usually just plain wrong pictures, stories and videos from across the world. This little story, presumablly taken from an advice forum somewhere on the internet, is beyond hilarious. This scene, if pictured correctly (note the use of MS Paint images supplied to help) will have you in stitches.

Read on, if you dare:

"If you've been following my social anxiety thread you would have learned that I got an asian girls number during my last update (the encounter wasn't recorded unfortunetely because my Camera froze). But anyway, it's been over a week and I was feeling like taking a break from exam studying, and I figured that if I didn't call her before exams were done then I wouldn't get a chance to see her until after the break (which would be too long perhaps). So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee. Well she said yes, and we met at a campus cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said "hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed". Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further. So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don't crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.

Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)... and ****... I had to take take a sh!t really badly... and I also had to take a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn't bring my pee bottles with me to the date)... I really didn't want to use her washroom because I didn't want stink the place up... but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I'm not sure why.. but that's what happened). So I rushed to the washroom... and thus begins the worst possible scenario imagineable.

I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO.... AND I have an erection.... what the **** do I do? Which do I do first??

So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can... but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!

So then I'm like "fuk this... I'll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out"... so I sit on the can... grasp my penis hard to try and "block" it... and I then tried to let the crap come out....that didn't work so well...

As I relaxed my anal sphincters... my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor... I started panicking at this point... so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet. Once it was in... I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.

I then closed everything off again (you can't imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly)... wtf was I supposed to do? I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor....then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head:

I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there... I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor....

At that point things get even worse...

The turd wouldn't ****ing dissolve... and the damn bish was asking me wtf I'm doing showering in her washroom....

I then answer "yea lol... I'm showering... is that ok?"...

she says: what the hell? why?? you don't think we're having sex do you???

At this point I can't even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol

she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke... get out of there!!

I say: no please don't come in... I'm not done yet...

At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid... the girl could smell it and she said: "why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???"

I say: please don't come in... trust me.. you'll regret it...

she says: **** this... get out now or I'm unlocking the door..

I beg her not too... but she loses her patience and then opens the door. She stops dead in her tracks. There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass,large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can... I was so ****ing embarassed... I started shivering... she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers... "wtf did you do???"...she was starting to cry... I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself "I tried my best ... I... I'm sorry"... She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she's calling the cops. I agree to do it.

She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper... pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually). I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor... I'm literally crying at that point... I look for the plunger but I couldn't find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet...I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf... she's crying... as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now... I try to explain that the toilet is clogged... but she doesn't let me ... she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now... she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave... I leave.

about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her dorm room (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water). At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrasment.

-------------------------------------

All of this could have ****ing been prevented if I had just brought my goddamn pee bottles!!! WTF?!?! The FIRST girl that shows interest in me.. I have to go and **** in her bathtub???? This is ****ing retarded (yes mad).

to all you people saying "peeing in bottles is stupid/gross"... well **** that... not only is it more convenient and cleaner, but it also prevents epic disaters like this one....

This is what WOULD have happened if I had my trustee pee bottle... I would have on sat on the can and then simultaneosly peed into the bottle and pooed into the toilet. No disaster... no mess.... and none of this would have happened.

anyway... should I let things cool off for a bit and call her back? maybe to apologize/explain myself? or should i just hope I never run into her again"

SUGAR!?

2010-03-15T22:53:00.002Z

The work of xXx ASTRIS xXx at http://www.flickr.com/photos/ceejey/

PayPal are evil!

2010-03-09T19:13:00.006Z

If you've been keeping up with the video blogs at HCTV (which of course you have been) you'll know that PayPal are the latest internet-based hell I've been put through. Now, you can watch the video at the bottom of this post, as I've kindly embedded the beast for you, but for a moment, just take a look at these links which are recordings of some clever chap ringing customer services and asking all the right questions:

PayPal refuse to close account 1

PayPal refuse to close account 2

Now, isn't this a little scary? PayPal have all this power and control over people's finances. We sort of hand our bank accounts over on a silver platter. In my honest opinion, I think its terrifying. If your account gets thrown into 'limitation' you can never shut it down. Why the bloomin' heck not?

Ever think you wear one shirt too often?...

2010-02-19T15:48:00.002Z

I know I do...

Roo talking about Robert Pattinson for Mary Glasgow Magazines

2010-02-04T10:48:00.003Z

Exclusive BMS Video - Harley @ Xmas!!

2010-01-26T22:16:00.004Z

Turning Purple...

2010-01-21T20:27:00.002Z

Superman

2010-01-19T21:22:00.008Z

I have to admit it, I've done some pretty silly things in my life. But, nothing I can regret.

The reason of course, is because my mistakes shape me into who I am - I always gab on about this sort of thing but it is indeed true! Without the odd mistake (or odd 101 mistakes) we wouldn't be who we are today. Scary, right? We learn through them and then decide how to face tomorrow, and the next day. Your next cock up will shape your future!

So, I could sit here and type up a list of my biggest mistakes - But to be quite honest, I'd be here all week. One, however, I feel I should address here though (it's a damn interesting one to figure out) is the fact that, still lurking on the interweb, are videos of me, doing naughty things and such - But, of course, you know this anyway! Boats, BlakeMason, Youtube, Xtube, TDF, the lot! But, some of them are from a time when I was under 18 years of age.

If you want to be a popstar, you will sing into a hairbrush when you are young. If you want to own a shop, as a kid you will pretend you own one. If you want to become an artist, you will paint. If you wish to be a movie maker, you will make movies. If you want to be a pornstar, however twisted it might sound, you'll pretend to be one. As a young gay lad with parents who'd rather stick their heads in the back end of a rotting horse than learn their son is a GAY, I turned to the net for help, advice and - Education. This is all stuff I've discussed here before. I think you learn a lot more from porn than you ever could at school. And, maybe this is why gay guys are so much more comfortable with their sex lives than the majority of straight people. Very general statement, I agree but still - You can see where I'm coming from. So, early on in my life I was exposed to pornography (some of the best, I might add - OTB Video). And, as a kid who was incredibly interested in films and the art of film making, the way porn was made and presented also interested and puzzled me.

I can't really find a quick and easy way to explain why porn is important to me, but I think it has such potential. Potential that is rarely explored. It can celebrate the human body, it can educate and it can improve relationships. The horrible thing is, it often doesn't. Why so many bareback movies? What's that teaching anybody? Why so many stereotypes, or 'fetish' titles? Why, in gay porn at least, do we create so many divides within our own community, when we have to overcome the ones that are already out there in 'reality'? And, maybe less important, why on earth can't people spend a little bit more time over it? Why can't it look a bit nicer? Why such a rushed job? And, where's the fun? A lot of the best sexual experiences I've ever had are when I've been able to have a laugh too, make a joke - Totally and utterly relax. You very rarely see that in porno.

Anyway, when I was younger, even when I was at school, I'd chuck a video together of me jacking off. Pure and simple. Usually to music or something. Most of the time, I tried to make it a little bit different to what I'd seen. And, these videos ended up on the internet. But, I'd always taken pictures of myself - I just loved the way you can make yourself look spectacular through the lens of a camera - So many possibilities. Going even further back, I started this all because of one little comment made to me when I was young. That I was 'baby faced'. It didn't really hurt me, I just felt older than I was and refused to believe I was in fact 'baby faced'. I got a webcam and proceeded to take photos that changed that opinion. And more photos. And more. I didn't see the harm, and if I look at in a certain way even now, I still don't. I can remember the way I was thinking. I wasn't 18 but, it's my body and I'll do what I want with it - And fuck it, the internet lets me! Now, I can see it from another perspective. I may well have been fuelling an ever-growing problem, especially on the internet - Peadophilia. I was volunatrily chucking images of my young naked self out across the web - These old men who wanted pictures of school boys didn't even have to work for it when it came to me. But still, why should some people and the gross shit they're up to change my opinion of who I am and what I wanted to do. When I was younger, I didn't let it. And, to a certain degree, I still think that's a pretty nifty way of thinking.

People have asked me that if I were ever to become famous what do I think would happen over all this. I usually tell them that some sort of hideous headline would be sprawled across the front page of the Sun. But then I say, to be honest, they'd never be able to call it a 'secret' sex scandal! I talk about everything like that quite honestly on here, on HCTV, to my friends - It's nothing I'm ashamed of. I admit to the fact it probably was a mistake to do what I did when I was so young. But, now I'm older, and I'm still doing it, and I'm not just doing it for a bit of dosh, what the hell is wrong with that? Love your body! I mean, I've got bits and bobs about myself I'd like to change but, really, I love me. It takes years for people to learn that. I just started early. Can only be a good thing right? Or maybe it was a subconciously desperate attempt to escape into a world where there were no rules, or barriers, and I could literally do anything I liked. All that due to the fact I was trapped in a home where things were so Nazi it was unreal. Maybe I'd need hours of councelling to figure all that out. Who knows!

Less about me, more about everybody else. I know full well I wasn't the only kid at it. Sometimes you'd stumble across Bebo pages for guys that were underage, filled with naked pics. Sometimes you'd catch a video on Xtube where the bloke in it just looked a little bit too little. You know what I mean? And, I'd share my pictures and videos with guys my age too, in return for their pictures. Our generation grabbed the internet by the throat and did what we liked with it. When you've been given the tools, you use them. Right? You're young, hormones all over the place, porno at your fingertips. Right? If it was that bad back then, what about now? BBC have been discussing 'sexting' and all that jazz. I reckon that as we grow older, and more new celebs are born, we'll be learning about a whole heap of 'sex scandals' from 'before they were 18'. Easily. Not to say it's right. I really don't know what should or could be done about it but it can't be blamed on us, the kids that did it. Somehow these sites like Xtube need to figure out a way to stop those who are under-age from uploading videos and pics. But even then, MSN is a porn-paradise if you put a whole load of horny teenages online at the same time. The internet is one hell of a tricky one to figure out. What is safe?